Contemplating Life

Sometimes there are things that happen in our lives that make us look at the way we live our life. Is my life important? Am I loved? Do I have people who will miss me when I am gone? Am I living the kind of life I want to life? Am I learning and growing and becoming a better person? Am I doing the things I want? Am I living in the place I need to be? Am I trying to become the kind of person I know that Lord wants me to be? All of these kinds of thoughts have been running around in my mind these last few weeks for a couple of reasons.

First of all, Gary's dad is very ill. Well, actually, he is dying. It is so hard to be so far away as he is going through this time. He is in pain and we don't know how long it will be. We are grateful for his mother and siblings for being there for him while we cannot be. We know death is just a part of life, but it does not make it easier.

Secondly, I have a Chinese friend named Hannah. She is actually Chinese Canadian because she is now a Canadian citizen. How did I meet her? She came from Canada at the end of March, the first part of April, because her dad got pancreatic cancer. She wanted to be able to spend some time with him before he died. They did not know when he would die, but it was important for her to be there. She quit her job. We would have done the same thing, but we could not quit our job in the middle of the term, however much we wanted to.

Anyway, her dad was very healthy when she arrived. He was so energetic when we met him in the park of the university. You can see this in the picture of him and Gary.

He did not last long, however. He started getting weaker and he passed away on the night of Wednesday, June 22, 2016. Why would his death make me contemplate my life? I was there right after he died. Actually, I was with Hannah when she found out her dad had died. I will always remember that moment. We were in the hospital talking to a doctor about her being diagnosed with Chicken Pox. This was a hard thing for her to take because of what was happening to her father. As she was talking to the doctor, she got a call from her mom. I still remember the tortured and heart-broken look on her face when she looked up at me and said, "My dad is dead." My heart started to hurt for her and her mother right then. I will forever be grateful that I was with her at that moment.

I had never seen someone I know right after they died until I saw her father. We took the ambulance from the hospital, so they could make sure he was dead. I was honored to be there. I was overwhelmed to be in the room and be able to watch Hannah see her father just after he died. I watched as she stroked her father's hair, straighten his clothes, embraces him with tears and kissed his face many, many times. What a spiritual experience it was for me. Hannah is a member of the LDS church and knows she will be able to see her father again, but she was just a little girl at that moment who was already missing her dad. I was able to hold his hand and her hand at the same moment which she told me later was very touching for her. Most Chinese are so afraid of death that they are not willing to go near their deceased loved one. I was not afraid. The Lord has given me the knowledge that death is not the end.

I was with them when the men came to take the body to the cemetery morgue. The family rides in a van to the cemetery with the body. I was with them as they placed him in the refrigerator. I was there the next morning when we went to the cemetery for the funeral. Such a sweet, emotional time it was at the funeral. Very short, but very touching. I was with them as Hannah, her mother, a co-worker of her father's and myself pushed the casket (just a small box really) to the building where he would be cremated. I was with them as they said their good-byes and the door shut. I was with them when they went to the furnaces where they burn symbolic paper, food, clothing, bedding and drink to help the dead get to heaven.

I can honestly say how honored I was to be able to witness these scenes and take part in them. I was amazed as I watched Hannah and her mother grieve with pain, but with so much courage and bravery. As I was witnessing these many precious moments, I looked at my life and how I am treating others. I know that I need to work on being kinder and more giving. I truly learned what Alma talked about in Mosiah 18:8-9: "And it came to pass that he said unto them: Behold, here are the waters of Mormon (for thus were they called) and now, as ye are desirous to come into the fold of God, and to be called his people, and are willing to bear one another's burdens, that they may be light. Yea, and are willing to mourn with those that mourn; yea, and comfort those who stand in need of comfort...." I actually felt the need to do these things at this point in life. 

I also contemplated how many wonderful friends I have here in China and over in America. I am blessed to have some great children, family, best friends, and friends. I know that if I died, they would be sad and mourn my passing.

This incidents also made me think about what I do every day. Am I doing things that will make me and others happy? Am I going through life in a happy way and reaching for eternity? I have been making a stronger effort in seeing the beautiful things in life, learn and enjoy my life whatever happens. Some of these things are below.

Why do I live here?

These past few months have been really busy and I have not posted as much as I would like to on this blog. I have also been so busy or lazy that I have sometimes forgotten why I am here and why I really love being in Qingdao. It is easy to get so involved in teaching and tutoring that I go for days without really getting outside and exploring. I spend time in the classroom, at our apartment tutoring or just watching movies. I have not had the motivation to get out and walk around the city again.

The weather has not cooperated either. On the days when I really feel like going out, it is cold, wet and windy or just plain polluted. On the days I don't feel like going out or have other things I need to do, it is beautiful, warm and windy. Every day here has wind. You can see the pattern and the rut I have been in.

Well on Friday, I had only three goals for the day.

Goal 1: Hike Fushan.

Goal 2: Have lunch with my friend Caroline. 

Goal 3: Go on a date night with Gary. 

There were many other things that I needed to do on Friday (my day off, by the way), but I knew these three things were the most important.

Goal 1: Hiking Fushan 

Mount Fu is located just behind our school. I have talked about this mountain before and last year I hiked it many times. I have not been up Fushan since last October probably, and have only hiked it a couple of times this school year and not once in 2016. I have missed it, but have not had the energy to hike it.

It turned out to be a beautiful day. Warm and not too windy. Conditions just right for hiking. I left my apartment at just after 8 am. I had already been up since 5:30 for seminary, so I was ready to go.

I went by myself because sometimes I just need time alone to think. I needed to remind myself why I love this city, what I am doing here and what the Lord wants me to do while I am here. I started up the same path I always go on which leads to the stairs. If you don't remember, many of the mountains in China have stairs. They put stairs in to make the mountain more accessible. Well when I got the fork in the road, I made a decision. I did not want to go up the stairs. That is not hiking. I took the right fork instead of the left fork and found a new path (well new to me) up the mountain. This was a path just like the path up Adam's Canyon in Layton. I was able to hike in the dirt and over rocks, through trees, bushes and flowers, hear the wind in the trees and see the beautiful ocean through the patches of trees. What beautiful sights I saw that day!!!

It reminded me how much I love to hike. It reminded me of how my Heavenly Father loves me. It reminded me of all my Savior has done for me especially in creating this beautiful world for me to enjoy. I had my headphones on and was listening to gospel music which only made the experience that much better. I stopped and took pictures whenever I felt like it and whenever I saw something beautiful to be grateful for. I stopped a lot. 

I hiked for about 1.5 hours, going farther than I had ever done before, and then turned around to come back. Overall, I spend 2 and a half hours on the mountain. I experienced so much joy! It was one of the best days I have had this year. I was able to get refreshed and remember why I love this city so much. I was able to remember why I am so grateful to the Lord that I live in Qingdao, China. I miss my family and friends, but I am so blessed to be here. Hopefully from these pictures you can understand a little about how I feel about Qingdao.

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It wasn't all fun and games though. I was almost at the bottom of the mountain. Only about 3-5 minutes from the bottom and I tripped over something and fell and hurt myself. I don't even know what happened. I was walking along and then all of a sudden I was on my left knee. It got scraped up, but I actually just looked at it for about a minute and then got up and continued walking back to our apartment. I figured it would be better to clean it up there.

It was a great morning. I probably would have stayed up there most of the day, but I needed to get back to complete goal number 2. Goal 1 accomplished.

Goal 2: Have lunch with my friend Caroline. I don't see her enough. We used to go to lunch or visit multiple times during the week, but both our schedules are busy. She is in the lab doing experiments and trying to publish articles about textiles. All graduate students here must publish 1 English magazine article or 3 Chinese magazine articles in the major.

I was able to have lunch with her in the school cafeteria. I was so hungry. She even remarked about how much I ate. I usually don't eat that much with her. Then we just went for a walk and sat in the shade and talked. I love just talking to her about life, mostly her life. Goal 2 accomplished.

Goal 3: Go on a date night with Gary. Gary and I are both busy. Gary is much busier than I am. He teaches 24 hours of classes each week and tutors. I only teach 12, but I tutor also. He teaches most nights until 6 pm and then does tutoring at many places on his day off or in the evenings and sometimes on the weekends. His day off is Tuesday and he has much of Monday off, too, but works long hours on Wednesday, Thursday and Friday. Now don't think I am upset about this. We are both working hard to make as much money as possible while we are here, so that we can pay off our debts and be debt free. I also have been teaching early morning seminary. I have to get up at 5:30, which for those of you who really know me, know this is not easy for me. So, I am tired when I get done with class at noon, have lunch, clean and do laundry, tutoring, get ready for the next days seminary and classes. I am usually ready for bed by 8 pm. You can now understand why it is hard for us to set time aside to go on a date.

When Gary got back from class, this Friday he got home at 5, we decided to go out. At first we were going to go to The Canvas, but then decided to go to Luigi's Pizza. We had heard about Luigi's before, but did not know where it was located until we went to lunch with a Chinese colleague of Gary's. The restaurant we went to was right next to Luigi's.

We had wonderful salad, pizza and garlic bread. What a fun and relaxing night. We talked and talked and finally decided we needed to go home before the late Friday night crowd got there. We knew it would get busy and there would be a lot of partying going on, so we wanted to avoid that. It was a great date night. We continued the date night by coming back and watching a movie and talking. Goal 3 accomplished.

So I was able to achieve my goals and remind myself why I love living here. 

It also continued the next day when I went to Signal Hill with Caroline. Gary had to work, so she and I went together. Again I was reminded why I love this city. In fact, I kept saying it over and over again. "This is why I love this city. This is why I love this city."

 

Friends, food, great scenery, beauty, kindness, love, joy, adventure, sharing, and caring. These are just some of the reasons why I live here and why I love living here!!!

Finding Your Way

I had a very interesting experience yesterday. I had a friend who took me to an island called Yellow Island. It is a place on the other side of the bay from Qingdao. We got to take a bus through a tunnel under the sea. They built a tunnel beneath the sea and the sea bed. It was a pretty neat tunnel.

He wanted to show me Goldensand Beach. He said it was a beautiful beach with soft, golden sand. Not many people like to travel that far, so it is usually not crowded. It was definitely not crowded when we went because of the fog.

It was very interesting and eerie. We could hear the waves coming up on the beach, but we could not see the water from the boardwalk. We walked towards where we knew the ocean was. As we got closer, we could hear the water more loudly. Finally we got to the point where we could see the ocean. It was very cold. 

My friend had a speech he was going to give on the next Tuesday in a English speech contest. He wanted some ideas and pointers, so we talked about his speech as we walked. His speech was about ALS. He was going to mention the Ice Bucket Challenge, so he had me do my own version with the ocean. Stepping into the sea was like stepping into ice water. It was pretty funny and pretty cold, as you can see.

After this fun, we walked along the beach, so he could show me the how big the beach was.

We got into more fog and realized we could only see about 30 feet in front of us. It was even more eerie. Here is the video I took of it.

As I was walking through the fog, I thought about our life sometimes here on earth. Sometimes we are in a fog and can't see to find our way out; whether it's through our own weaknesses, sins or choices or because of someone else's choices. We know that there is a way to be rescued, but we cannot see to find the way. Our world is dark, lonesome, eerie and cold. 

We try walking in many directions or try to listen for help. Sometimes there is nothing that we can do and we have to rely on help. As with this fog on the beach, we kept walking in the direction we knew would take us to the edge of the beach. We could not see anything and we could only hear a few people around. Finally, the fog cleared enough for us to see where we wanted to go.

When we are in a fog in our life, we may not be able to see the direction we should go, but we can listen and hear for the still, small voice of the Holy Ghost. The Holy Ghost will guide us through the fog until we can see again. If we keep walking toward the Lord, we cannot get truly lost and we will be finally found.

I am grateful for this eye-opening experience!