Sometimes there are things that happen in our lives that make us look at the way we live our life. Is my life important? Am I loved? Do I have people who will miss me when I am gone? Am I living the kind of life I want to life? Am I learning and growing and becoming a better person? Am I doing the things I want? Am I living in the place I need to be? Am I trying to become the kind of person I know that Lord wants me to be? All of these kinds of thoughts have been running around in my mind these last few weeks for a couple of reasons.
First of all, Gary's dad is very ill. Well, actually, he is dying. It is so hard to be so far away as he is going through this time. He is in pain and we don't know how long it will be. We are grateful for his mother and siblings for being there for him while we cannot be. We know death is just a part of life, but it does not make it easier.
Secondly, I have a Chinese friend named Hannah. She is actually Chinese Canadian because she is now a Canadian citizen. How did I meet her? She came from Canada at the end of March, the first part of April, because her dad got pancreatic cancer. She wanted to be able to spend some time with him before he died. They did not know when he would die, but it was important for her to be there. She quit her job. We would have done the same thing, but we could not quit our job in the middle of the term, however much we wanted to.
Anyway, her dad was very healthy when she arrived. He was so energetic when we met him in the park of the university. You can see this in the picture of him and Gary.
He did not last long, however. He started getting weaker and he passed away on the night of Wednesday, June 22, 2016. Why would his death make me contemplate my life? I was there right after he died. Actually, I was with Hannah when she found out her dad had died. I will always remember that moment. We were in the hospital talking to a doctor about her being diagnosed with Chicken Pox. This was a hard thing for her to take because of what was happening to her father. As she was talking to the doctor, she got a call from her mom. I still remember the tortured and heart-broken look on her face when she looked up at me and said, "My dad is dead." My heart started to hurt for her and her mother right then. I will forever be grateful that I was with her at that moment.
I had never seen someone I know right after they died until I saw her father. We took the ambulance from the hospital, so they could make sure he was dead. I was honored to be there. I was overwhelmed to be in the room and be able to watch Hannah see her father just after he died. I watched as she stroked her father's hair, straighten his clothes, embraces him with tears and kissed his face many, many times. What a spiritual experience it was for me. Hannah is a member of the LDS church and knows she will be able to see her father again, but she was just a little girl at that moment who was already missing her dad. I was able to hold his hand and her hand at the same moment which she told me later was very touching for her. Most Chinese are so afraid of death that they are not willing to go near their deceased loved one. I was not afraid. The Lord has given me the knowledge that death is not the end.
I was with them when the men came to take the body to the cemetery morgue. The family rides in a van to the cemetery with the body. I was with them as they placed him in the refrigerator. I was there the next morning when we went to the cemetery for the funeral. Such a sweet, emotional time it was at the funeral. Very short, but very touching. I was with them as Hannah, her mother, a co-worker of her father's and myself pushed the casket (just a small box really) to the building where he would be cremated. I was with them as they said their good-byes and the door shut. I was with them when they went to the furnaces where they burn symbolic paper, food, clothing, bedding and drink to help the dead get to heaven.
I can honestly say how honored I was to be able to witness these scenes and take part in them. I was amazed as I watched Hannah and her mother grieve with pain, but with so much courage and bravery. As I was witnessing these many precious moments, I looked at my life and how I am treating others. I know that I need to work on being kinder and more giving. I truly learned what Alma talked about in Mosiah 18:8-9: "And it came to pass that he said unto them: Behold, here are the waters of Mormon (for thus were they called) and now, as ye are desirous to come into the fold of God, and to be called his people, and are willing to bear one another's burdens, that they may be light. Yea, and are willing to mourn with those that mourn; yea, and comfort those who stand in need of comfort...." I actually felt the need to do these things at this point in life.
I also contemplated how many wonderful friends I have here in China and over in America. I am blessed to have some great children, family, best friends, and friends. I know that if I died, they would be sad and mourn my passing.
This incidents also made me think about what I do every day. Am I doing things that will make me and others happy? Am I going through life in a happy way and reaching for eternity? I have been making a stronger effort in seeing the beautiful things in life, learn and enjoy my life whatever happens. Some of these things are below.
